Welcome to Casual Fridays, where we kick back, relax and take off our pants. In Typing About Games (TAG), two of the Piki Geek staff face off in a no-holds-bar chat conversation. Beliefs are challenged, points are exclaimed, hype is harnessed, and video games are dissected like insects. Enjoy a look into the discussions that plague the Piki Geek chat day after day.
Johanna: No. Have you?
Jeroen: Many! In fact, I might just be addicted. I’ve been modding Skyrim since release. I haven’t actually played it since December. I once spent eight hours straight modding Oblivion. I just installed Baldur’s Gate 1 and 2 and immediately modded them. I like mods.
Jeroen: What in the hellllllllll.
Johanna: So, uh, you modded Oblivion?
Jeroen: Tastefully! Holy sh*t. Sexlivion: “Adds a new mini game to the game where the goal is to screw as many woman as possible.” There is an Argonian having carnal relations with a blonde girl. What.
Johanna: I was partial to the Oblivion bondage pack. Because… you know… what game isn’t complete without a bondage option? Anyway, I heard they’re producing one for Skyrim.
Jeroen: Why is there a mod solely to make sexual poses? Color me unsurprised. See, I was thinking mods like, you know, nicer grass. Not that grass. This all seems rather… saucy.
Johanna: Yeah, I’m watching a video now for Skyrim graphics mods:
Jeroen: Yeah, see? Mods like that. Not… those. Why are those even around?
Johanna: I can see why mods, environmental mods, or funny ones like this are attractive. But anyway, looking up “Skyrim mod” on youtube, the first hit is “Nude Females, Enhanced Blood Textures, Enhanced Night”. And of course the top comment is “Nude female mod at 4:10″
Jeroen: Lovely. Seems like those mods are always around first and foremost. Remember what the biggest mod just after HL2′s release was?
Johanna: Did it have to do with Alyx?
Jeroen: Yup. Just, uh, less of Alyx. Or more, by some accounts.
Johanna: I’ve come across some of those pictures when looking for images of her. NO WAIT, I know where I came across it. RipTen’s Top 10 Nicest Asses in Videogames. She’s #9.
Jeroen: Stay classy, Ripten.
Johanna: Yeah. Good job, mod creators. Putting your talents to excellent use. I know, haha, “Oh, this videogame doesn’t have an objectified woman? It does now.”
Jeroen: I like the comments. “There damn well better be some guys on the list.” “Also, this really should be called “Top Ten Female Asses.” Snake at the very least should be here, he deserves it eversomuch.” Wait, they’re actually using Alyx mods as evidence that she’s got a nice ass?
Johanna: One of them was Everyone in Metal Gear Solid 4.
Jeroen: So… mods are canon if they make women more appealing? Serioulsy? All those emotionally damaged, abused, tragic females?
Johanna: Yeah… Only one of the images of her ass that they use is actually from the game.
Jeroen: Alyx wasn’t even sexy at all. She wasn’t even meant to be. They actually forced it onto her.
Johanna: And then gave her an award for it.
Jeroen: The only attractive thing she did in the entire series is make awful but cute jokes.
Johanna: Of course, the WORST part of the last is the “Dishonorable Mentions” part.
Jeroen: Skipping forward now.
Johanna: “Sorry, Rumble Roses girls, but your asses are too fat for this list.”
Jeroen: Clearly not Queen fans.
Johanna: ” When Shahdee initially walks out, you are first greeted to this lovely shot of her good side. Unfortunately, this is followed up shortly thereafter by the reveal that she is actually Leon Kennedy circa Resident Evil 2. This is the kind of girl that begs you to cut off her head.” That’s Shahdee from Prince of Persia.
Jeroen: Yeah, I just read that. What the hell?
Johanna: Incidentally, a primary complaint about the body mods for Skyrim is that it’s all about the T&A but they don’t include face mods.
Jeroen: Face mods are actually amongst the first ones I downloaded for both Skyrim and Oblivion. It was necessary for Oblivion. “Your mother is so ugly, she was a preset in Oblivion.”
Johanna: Har har.
Jeroen: I won a game with that one. But yeah, I remember even face mods were hazardous. There were ones that made the characters look good. And then were ones that turned characters into porn stars.
Johanna: Or like they had plastic surgery that went horribly awry.
Jeroen: Porn stars. Or, you know, summer blockbuster starlets. Either or. Ah, the second most downloaded mod for Oblivion ever: HG EyeCandy Body.
Johanna: Oh I lied, I have installed mods, but they were for WOW. Like DBM and Recount and Omen. But those are more like add-ons. Does anybody call them mods?
Jeroen: Nah. This mod, though. Basically it adds one of those unrealistically proportioned anime girls’ body types into the game. Complete with the anime hair and very, very detailed bodies. 1.7 million downloads so far! How many copies did Oblivion sell on PC?
Johanna: Well, 3 million across PC and Xbox in a little under a year. It’s hard to find PC-only sales…
Jeroen: Ninth most downloaded mod: Apachii Goddess Store. Basically it adds a bunch of skimpy outfits for women. Oh, and adjustable breastsize up to H-cups.
Johanna: The f*ck is an H cup?
Jeroen: I was hoping you could tell me. I’d assume it’s possible for a small child to fit in each of those cups.
Johanna: Hmmmmmmmm. Not something I would google image search. Well I did google image search it. But I’m saying, you shouldn’t. I mean, unless you’re into huge, monstrous boobs.
Jeroen: That took you a while to change your mind.
Johanna: Ugh, these poor women, their backs are going to be in so much pain…
Jeroen: Oh my. Twelfth mod downloaded mod is a whole adult questline.
Johanna: “Adult quest line?”
Jeroen: “Claudia’s little secret cuts new boundaries in presenting depiction of adult interactions and adult sexual concepts. The quests follow an adventure-based story that will take the Player across the length and breadth of the Cyrodilic province. In that travel you will be faced with challenges, life threatening situations and needs to be able to defend yourself. In traveling you will be assaulted by all sorts’ human adversaries, animals and Mythical beings that exist in the world of Oblivion.”
Oh my. The images are… something. Those two ladies are sharing… something. Is that hygienic?
Johanna: I mean, if these are so popular, why don’t people just come out with actual adult RPGs?
Jeroen: Dating sims?
Johanna: That’s a bit of a generous term for what these mods accomplish. There’s no real “dating”… But yeah. Same idea. I mean, Dragon Age has whores, but it’s a cutscene where you don’t see anything. Why not just go the whole nine yards. Is it because the government will get all up in arms about it?
Jeroen: GTA4 had whores and very realistically mimicked sex.
Johanna: Just don’t sell it at Best Buy. Get it online or buy it at the Fantasy Gifts.
Jeroen: So, there’s clearly a huge market for these mods regardless. Now the question is: why? I mean, a quarter of the most downloaded mods are adult content. These things are downloaded in the MILLIONS.
Johanna: Because guys like to consolidate all of their activities. Why not play video games and jerk it at the same time?
Jeroen: Point and click adventure games aren’t around so much anymore. Still, this is a game that consumes dozens of hours. This would go beyond just simple sexual release.
Jeroen: Sadly, I don’t think that’s modded.
Johanna: Well exactly, I’m sure the sentiment is “If I’m going to log 300 hours into this game, I may as well look at some fine ass.” It’s the answer I get when I ask guys why the rolled a female blood elf.
Jeroen: Sherry asked us all that question a while ago and that was the general consensus even amongst us too. But there’s a difference between preferring the female form and modding a game so that you can perform sexual acts or give her body/style that is completely unfit for anything but hentai.
Johanna: This article also explains why some men prefer to play women characters. But is irrelevant to booby mods. Because the conclusion was dudes do it because they’re tired of playing brawny, testosterone-fueled muscle machines and women main characters a breathe of something new.
Jeroen: Guys are idealized too. Perhaps not to the same extent or intensity or tone as females but it’s there. You know, put on an unattainable pedestal of physique.
Jeroen: Oh dear God, what. I didn’t even realize you could make Disney characters in Dark Souls
Johanna: Men’s body types at least fit the kind of environment they’re in.
Jeroen: For the most part. Ever play as fat CJ in GTA: SA? That was fun. Chris Redfield also stands out. Either way, you don’t really see many mods to buff up men like you do to pare down women.
Johanna: No, not as many. And you know, I don’t have anything against mods like the porn mod or the eye candy mods. I just think it sends developers the wrong message. That shit like that sells and there’s a market for it. I really liked that Skyrim took women seriously, that it outfitted them appropriately for an evironment that’s cold as hell. A girl isn’t going to run around in her leather panties to fight dragons in freezing cold weather.
Jeroen: I have to give it to Bethesda, they usually treat women exactly as they do men.
Johanna: But these millions of guys are like, “Fuck realism, I want to see dat ass.”
Jeroen: Despite their community’s other ideas.
Johanna: I wish you could settle down with your husband or wife and have kids and stuff. Like a Harvest Moon option.
Jeroen: It’s just not that kinda game.
Johanna: It could be.
Jeroen: You wear an amulet and suddenly people are like “Oh, you’re trying to get hitched? I’ll do it if you want.”
Johanna: I know, that was so lame.
Jeroen: At least put some flirtation options like Bioware does. Except, you know, better.
Johanna: I married Mjoll, but then I regretted it. She came with a boyfriend already in tow.
Jeroen: I always preferred Aela. She was a badass. Also a beast.
Johanna: Also at our wedding she left right after saying her vow and left me there listening to the priest ramble on. I was like, the fuck, you can’t walk out of our wedding
Jeroen: Were you playing a dude or a not-dude?
Johanna: Not dude what? A WOMAN, JEROEN, THERE’S A NAME FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN’T MEN.
Jeroen: Hee hee hee. Why the same-sex? Is it because all the guys in Skyrim were bland? Because I could totally see that. Not a single Solid Snake in the bunch.
Johanna: I don’t know. Yeah. She was the most bad-ass of all the lads and lasses. But her weird boyfriend still follows her around and stays at our house. One time I threw a bunch of my stuff on the ground and he peeked around the corner and was like “Hey, if you’re not gonna use that, uh… can I have it?”
Jeroen: What a freeloader.
Johanna: I know. I was like, WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?
Jeroen: People just walk into your house all the time in Skyrim. I’m pretty sure it’s clever commentary on RPG games. “Oh, you enter people’s houses whenever you want? RECIPROCATE, BITCH.”
Johanna: But he never left. And he followed Mjoll from Riften to my house in Whiterun.
Jeroen: Who was this?
Jeroen: Ohhhh, that dude. He’s not even her boyfriend, he’s the friendzoned best friend.
Johanna: “If Mjoll and the other Blades meet up with the Dragonborn to slay a dragon, Aerin will come as well. He rarely survives such encounters. ”
Jeroen: Sounds like you have your evening planned.
Johanna: “If desired: Aerin can be followed when he is traveling from Riften to wherever Mjoll might be residing after marriage. Upon the realtime travels with Aerin, if opposition is encountered, Aerin will most likely be killed and his body can be looted.”
Jeroen: I doubt he drops good loot.
Johanna: So anyway. This TAG is about mods?
Jeroen: I don’t even know anymore. But yes. Sexy mods. Sexy, sexy mods. So you like ‘em? Or do you feel they’re just perpetuating the objectifying of women in development houses?
Johanna: Yes. In conclusion.
Jeroen: That’s offensive…. I think.
Johanna: Pretty sure it’s the same universe.
Jeroen: That explains Jar Jar.