With a successful line of video games, films, and television shows, Pokémon is one of the most successful children’s franchises of all time. So successful, that the odds are pretty good that you have played at least one of the numerous Pokémon adventures. And while most people naturally associate Pokémon with cute and cuddly creatures, there is a lot of creepy stuff going on under the surface that proves that the games are aimed at kids, but intended for adults. Here, we’ll take a look at the top seven reasons why Pokémon is actually nightmare fuel. Warning, childhood ruining moments lie ahead.
7. Cubone’s Mom Has Got Creepy Stuff Going On
Most players are aware of Cubone’s creepy back story. The infant child of a deceased mother, a Cubone will wear it’s late mom’s skull as a protective helmet. These Pokémon are reclusive, sad, and lonely, forever mourning the loss of its mother. For a game seemingly geared towards young kids, a sad little Pokémon that wears its dead mother’s skull is shockingly dark. While Cubone is a pretty familiar example of Pokémon creepiness, many people overlook an even darker, more disturbing fact. How does Cubone remove the skull from its mother’s body?
Now, I understand that Pokémon fights are viscious, and some fatal, but it’s pretty improbable that every Pokémon death ends with a decapitation. What if Cubone’s mom was killed by, say incineration, or electric shock? Cubone would have to personally, decapitate, gut, and skin its dead mother. Without, any visibly sharp fangs or claws, this act would have to be a horrifying mess. Next time you see a cute little mopey Cubone, remember what it’s capable of.
6. Golbat Will Feast on the Blood of Your Children
If the thought of a giant, five foot tall bloodsucking bat wasn’t scary enough, take a quick look at Golbat’s Pokédex entries. Firstly, in Heart Gold, it mentions how other creatures are almost defenseless to its blood lust: “However hard its victim’s hide may be, it punctures with sharp fangs and gorges itself with blood”. Well, that can’t be good, can it? Things get even worse when you read the Leaf Green Pokédex entry. “Once it strikes, it will not stop draining energy from the victim even if it gets too heavy to fly”.
Essentially, Golbat will pierce your skin and drink your blood until it can’t even fly. Remember the part when I said that Golbat was five feet tall? Think of how much blood it would have to drink to become overencumbered? At almost 125 pounds, Golbat could make easy work of small children, which seem to roam the world in great abundance.
To drive home how terrifying this is, I’ll apply some basic human knowledge and perform some Mythbusters style calculations. Generally, an adult can’t survive after losing more than 40% of his/her blood, and that’s being generous. If you were out in the wilderness like a Pokémon trainer, losing even less than 40% would be near fatal. Since the average adult has about six quarts of blood in their system, they would have to lose around two and a half quarts to die. That’d mean a Golbat would have to drink the equivalent of only two and a quarter bottles of large soda to kill a healthy adult. A child would probably have half that amount. Suddenly you start to question how kid-friendly the Pokémon world is.
5. Hypno, Why Don’t You Take a Seat Over There?
There is a surprising amount of freedom that children are allowed to have in the world of Pokémon, considering the fact that there are predators like Hypno, just waiting to lure away unsuspecting minors. It sounds dirty, and creepy, yeah, but upon reading Hypno’s background, things turn from pervy to terrifying.
Hypno uses its trademark pendulum to hypnotize its victims to sleep, luring them away into the unknown. Hypno likes to hang around schools and abandoned roads, waiting to strike, ready to hypnotize unassuming children before stealing them away, never to be seen again. The implications here are terrifying: Is there some sort of cave out there, with hundreds of stolen children? What does Hypno do with these kids? Do I even want to know? Probably not.
4. Machoke Lives in Eternal Anguish
The eerily human Machoke is another creepy member of the original 151. I’m sure that you have noticed the long red lines on Machoke’s biceps and forearms, but do you know what those lines are? Machoke is quite literally bursting with muscles, and it is heavily implied that the red lines are Machoke’s muscles, underneath areas where its skin has stretched apart. Think about that. Why is it smiling? Perhaps Machoke isn’t actual smiling, but constantly grimacing in agony.
Also, the Pokédex sheds light on its special garments, saying that “Machoke’s boundless power is very dangerous, so it wears a belt that suppresses its energy.” This raises another horrifying question: what happens to wild Machokes? The belt these Pokémon wear seems to be artificial, presumably crafted by humans, so what happens to Machokes born in the wild? If they didn’t have the belt, would they eventually explode into a mass of torn flesh and bulging muscle?
3. What Exactly Happens Inside a Pokéball?
There is some debate as to what happens to Pokémon stored inside a Pokéball, with fans divided over two different possibilities. While there no definitive explanation as to the inner workings of Pokéballs, the two most popular explanations both have terrifying connotations.
Some argue that when stored in a Pokéball, Pokémon are conscious, and aware of time and space. This theory is supported by the fact that Pokémon respond to commands when they are in Pokéball form, such as when the Pokémon trainer throws the Pokéball into battle. This is unsettling to many, however, since this implies that Pokémon can be potentially imprisoned for all of eternity, aware of the outside world, but powerless to escape. Just think of how many stored Pokémon you have, never to see the light of day.
Since this theory is so unnerving, many have accepted the fact the Pokémon are unconscious or comatose when stored in a Pokéball. This may seem a little more humane, at least until you think it through for a little bit. For the most part, Pokémon rarely spend time outside of the Pokéball, except for when they are in battle. Yes, you will occasionally see the odd Pokémon hanging around with its trainer, but for the most part, Pokémon live in their Pokéballs. If they are unconscious, this means that they have no perception of life inside the ball. All seems well, until you realize that for some Pokémon, their entire lives will consist of an endless string of battles. Pokémon know no rest, no peace, no happiness. Just fight after fight.
2. Yamask Will Make You Want to Quit Pokémon Forever
Yamask is a Pokémon that still haunts me to this day. First seen in Pokémon Black/White, Yamask is a Ghost Pokémon found in the ruins of Relic Castle. While Ghost-type Pokémon have always been a little unsettling, Yamask just pushes it over the edge. Take a look at what is said in Pokémon White’s Pokédex: “These Pokémon arose from the spirits of people interred in graves in past ages. Each retains memories of its former life.”
What. Seriously, that’s what it says. And guess what, things get worse with Pokémon Black’s Pokédex entry: “Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry.” That’s it man, game over. These Pokémon are fully sentient, rational beings. If you have ever used one in game, think about the implications. You have forcibly captured it, confined it, and sent it to fight other vicious beasts. Unlike other seemingly feral Pokémon, Yamask is quite aware of what it’s going through. It’s scared and alone, and probably just wants to go back to its family. When I realized this, I decided to remove Yamask from my party, sending him to my PC storage, which is just as bad. Yamask will spend an eternity, alone in a Poke ball. Stored in a computer. And it’s fully aware of this.
1. This is the Way The World Ends
Most players will have some vague knowledge in regards to the origin of Pokémon. Mentioned in passing, there are some hints dropped about how Pokémon have come from outer space. While somewhat correct, this is just the tip of the iceberg, and reveals something far, far darker.
Enter, the Pokérus. It is a rare virus that spreads from Pokémon to Pokémon, increases their strength, and rapidly advances their growth. While this sounds like some sort of non-canonical fan fiction, the Pokérus is a real thing. It has been an actual, stat altering gameplay element as far back as the second generation. Most people have never heard of it because infection is so rare. In fact, Bulbapedia states that a Pokémon has only a 3 in 65,536 chance to be infected.
In game, the Pokérus can be transmitted to other uninfected members of your party, and as far as the fiction is related, the Pokérus can apparently be transmitted to humans. (Let’s not wonder how this happens.) The virus causes extreme growth and mutation, and is explained as the origin of Pokémon. Allegedly coming down from outer space, the Pokérus infected animals, such as birds and fish, and mutated them into what we know as Pokémon. This explains why a majority of Pokémon resemble real animals – and don’t forget, this is all canonical.
So, knowing what the virus does to animals, what does it do to infected humans? Sooner or later, all of the humans will have the disease, and freakishly mutate in a similar way as Pokémon. Some argue that it is already happening in children (this explains how kids are so damn smart, and why they are strong enough to leave home at a young age). Sooner or later civilization will collapse, and only human-Pokémon hybrids will roam the world.
And you thought that Pokémon was for kids.