Top 10 Most Memorable Toilets in Video Game History

I know what you’re thinking. Why toilets? Well, I’ll tell you. Toilets are the unsung heroes of video game design. A toilet can help you complete your mission, make you laugh, or even kill a man. They’re indispensable, yet they receive no respect.

Today I’m going to change that. We’re going to take a look at ten of the most useful, humorous, strange and plain old awesome toilets from around the gaming world. So put the seat down, get comfortable, and prepare for adventure.

1. Half Life 2

Half Life 2 may not have one single toilet that everyone remembers, but as a group they’re memorable for one reason: physics. Using the gravity gun you could rip a toilet from the wall, point it at some unlucky sod, and completely ruin his day. There was even an achievement for doing so.

Why you’d remember: 

With a single press of a mouse button, you turn something so seemingly harmless that you spend hours on it playing Angry Birds into a weapon of swift human destruction. I’m pretty sure if you could see past the Combine trooper’s helmet you’d see the face of a man who’s been betrayed by an old friend.

Why you wouldn’t:

Well, they weren’t exactly under a spotlight as you passed by, and there weren’t many of them at all. It also didn’t help that the next room was absolutely packed with things shooting at you, and you had to pretty close to your target for thrown physics object to be deadly. In fact, it was pretty likely you’d lay eyes on the turrets and troopers in the room, drop the toilet and equip something more effective for crowd control, like… well, anything.

2. Fallout 3

Fallout 3 is a game of choice. Do you side with the Enclave or Brotherhood of Steel? Will your character be based around melee or firearms? Will you drink from the rancid, stinking toilet water in exchange for a few health? Wait, that last one isn’t a choice, because it happens to everyone. No exceptions. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying, as they’ve been baptized by the murky, irradiated waters of shame just as we all have.

Why You’d Remember:

The outrage and the shame. We’ve all done it, but for different reasons. Some need the health, softly whispering, “Tell no one,” into the bowl before lowering their head in and becoming slightly less human. Others are trying to loot that one unit of jet sitting right on the lip of the bowl, only to come out with a mouthful of filth and a lesson learned.

Why you wouldn’t:

You’re a dog, and this is an everyday thing for you.

3. MadWorld

MadWorld was an underrated brawler that sold around six copies. The goal of each level was to cause as much violence as possible using your surroundings, sometimes including toilets. Did you throw the toilet at them? Did you bash their heads against the tank? Nope! You shove their head so far into the toilet that they’re left struggling for their life, stuck inside the grimy bowl. Fret not, as this is not the last of their humiliation, as moments later the toilet manages to flush itself, taking your poor victim for a tour of the Varrigan City sewer system.

Why you’d remember:

Everyone remembers the first time they see a full-grown man flushed down the toilet. Most of the kills in MadWorld are so filled with violence and WTF that you won’t be forgetting them any time soon. Also, it didn’t help that the game was only around 6 hours long, so the time between contact with the toilet and the flush consists of about 8% of the game.

Why you wouldn’t:

You didn’t buy it, which is pretty damn likely. I suppose you could also have not explored that particular part of the level, but yeah, you probably didn’t buy it. Jerk.

4. Don’t Shit Your Pants

As I’m sure you can guess, Don’t Shit Your Pants is a rather straightforward game. It involves, well, not soiling yourself, which makes the toilet a sort of safe zone, a sacred Shangri-La where all of your troubles are washed away with the pull of a lever.

Why you’d Remember it:

The feeling of accomplishment you get when you do something as simple as sitting on the toilet before nature takes its course is something you don’t forget. There’s even a cheery little tune that plays when you succeed. It’s downright adorable

Why you wouldn’t:

All in all, it’s just a toilet doing what toilets do best. It’s not until you get philosophical (which isn’t something a lot of people will do with a game called Don’t Shit Your Pants) that the toilet becomes anything other than ordinary. You also might be really into leaving piles on the floor, like my cat.

5. Deus Ex

Few games are as immersive as Deus Ex was, actions had consequences, although some were more serious than others. For example, during your first time inside UNATCO HQ you could wander (accidentally, I swear!) into the women’s bathroom, only to find it occupied by a woman named Shannon who would berate and threaten to report you. It turns out she does actually put in a complaint, as you’re scolded by your boss during you mission briefing shortly afterwards.

Why you’d remember it:

You finally got some sort of result from compulsively scouring the women’s room in every video game you play, albeit not the one you wanted. What, you don’t do that? Just me? Oh.

Why you wouldn’t:

Well, I’d imagine if you respected all gender separation rules, like the honest, upstanding citizen you are, you wouldn’t have come across this little encounter. Is that a good or a bad thing? I’m not here to judge, you immersion hater.

6. The Sims

Ah, there’s nothing like fun of trapping a man in a small room with only a toilet for company. You watch as he yells to the sky, cursing the malevolent god that put him in such a position, then it starts to rain inside the house because you forgot to add a roof.

Why you’d remember it:

If you’ve never recreated the above scenario, I suggest you try it. Your Sim will beg and plead, use the bathroom, beg and plead some more, pass out, and then die of hunger. Afterwards something so very strange it defies explanation may happen. Something like this:

Why you wouldn’t:

Well, if you played The Sims like it’s supposed to be played, as a life simulator, then a toilet is just a toilet. I bet you never tried seeing past the pixels when they use the shower, too. You’re despicable. 

007. GoldenEye 007

The opening of Facility: we all played it a million times in single player, and littered that very same bathroom with proximity mines in multiplayer. Those toilets became the graves of millions of nameless Russian soldiers.

Why you’d remember it:

You played Goldeneye 007. That’s about it. I honestly don’t see how anyone could remember that game and not recall the opening of Facility. In fact, that’s all some people remember about it.

Why you wouldn’t:

Well, if you’ve played GoldenEye, then I’d assume you’ve suffered some sort of amnesia. I’d probably get that checked.

8. No More Heroes

No More Heroes was two things, weird and difficult. In advocacy of its weirdness, during the process of saving your game, the main character would take a seat on the toilet and, well, do what you typically do on a toilet.

Why you’d remember:

It was there every time you were mad enough at the game to quit playing, yet not mad enough to ragequit and throw the controller. It represented the self control you exhibited by saving and quitting, instead of yelling obscenities and have the cops called on you again.

Why you wouldn’t:

You beat the entire game in one sitting, you talented son of a bitch.

9. Duke Nukem 3D

There’s no way a game with as much toilet humor as Duke Nukem 3D could be excluded from a list like this. As far as toilets go, when you enter a bathroom there’s a chance you’ll come across an alien relieving himself. Of course, being the Duke, you make sure that’s the last time he wastes company money on long bathroom breaks.

Why you’d remember:

It was unexpected and funny. You’re searching stalls and then come across an alien in the most helpless of moments. Of course, after you were done dealing with him you could break the toilet with a swift kick and lap up the water from the resulting fountain for health.

Why you wouldn’t:

Of course, not everyone happened upon those alien-filled stalls. Some people are perfectly happy drinking from water fountains like normal, well adjusted human beings.

10. Banjo Kazooie

For a series that’s viewed as family friendly, the Banjo Kazooie games have a fair bit of adult humor in them. This is, of course, to be expected, as it was made by the same guys that created the brilliant Conker’s Bad Fur Day. However, it’s toilets we’re here for, and Banjo Kazooie has a talking one, and his name is Loggo. Loggo has been in every Banjo game, flushing you after you became a pumpkin in the first game, and requesting you remove a Cheato page clogging his pipes in the second. 

Why you’d remember:

His name is Loggo, and that’s not a toilet name you forget. And, well….just watch this video:

Why you wouldn’t:

You’re a heartless monster who doesn’t recognize real heroism when you see it. Loggo may have been a toilet, but he didn’t take shit from nobody.

Now do you see how much toilets have helped you throughout your gaming career? Maybe you won’t be so quick to just pass by them next time. Do your toilets a favor. Stop and talk to them, because if you don’t, someone else will.