The vicious Sonic cycle continues anew.
On Sonic the Hedgehog’s Facebook page (yes, he has one), SEGA has announced a brand new Sonic game by way of a brief teaser trailer. It’s not, as we postulated yesterday, Sonic 4 Episode 2, but an entirely new title, full of brand new hopes and dreams waiting to be crushed. But we’ve all been here before. We know how the cycle works. This trailer represents that initial stage of elation and hope. The video shows Sonic doing what Sonic does best – running – and not much else. Okay, it doesn’t sound very interesting, but here’s a list of things I’m glad it doesn’t show:
- Sonic falling in love with a human chick.
- Sonic playing any sports.
- Gun fighting. I’m serious. (I’m looking at you, Shadow.)
- These things.
- Sonic transforming into a goddamn werewolf (or werehog or whatever you want to call it).
So far, so good. Near the end of the teaser, a second Sonic appears and starts racing alongside the first one. Apparently, this one is supposed to represent the “classic” Sonic. Honestly, they look exactly the same to me. No idea if this means that SEGA is keeping the classics in mind, or if it means that you’re going to have some kind of ghost-racing feature. Knowing SEGA’s history with Sonic games, it could be something as ridiculous as a “Sonic goes back in time and meets his classic self” scenario. Maybe I’m drawing too much bias off of the recent Sonic games. Maybe this one will be a true Sonic game, with classic gameplay and no gimmicky irrelevant nonsense. Maybe it will star Sonic and only Sonic, and maybe in this game he will just run and jump and not fight with a sword or transform whenever the goddamn moon is full.
Or maybe two months from now, SEGA will release the trailer that shows all of those things. Who knows. I’m done playing boy-who-cried-Sonic-is-gonna-be-good-this-time.